Train of thought

(My disorganized random thoughts starting from now..)

My head hurts and it hurts as if a huge rod is pressing against my brain.
I'm so full I feel like puking.
I dislike the sound of skin rubbing on a balloon. Or skin rubbing against tight plastic wrappers. It pricks me so much I feel like killing myself.
I'm quite irritable and sick and my tummy hurts.
My sister is talking really loudly and her voice is echoing in my room and its causing my headache to deepen.
My head hurts bad.
My leg is numb from sitting.
I hate school.
Beep Beep Beep.
That's my sister dialing the phone really loudly.
Each beep is like a reverberating echo in my head.
The light is too bright.
I feel gross and dirty and ugly.

Tired liao lerzx.

If things were different

I'm still an asshole.
I'm still a loser playing with matches,
Counting the stars.
Playing with fire.
Blowing out dreams,
Blowing out wishes.
Crying on buses
As if anyone could really hear.
As if anyone could really see.

And he never really played along with me
I realised it was all in my dreams.
And the truth lies beneath the sheets
Of paper. It lies beneath hands held,
and I will always remember the softness
Of his breath on my ear.

© Natasha Lim

Funny Moments Of The Day

Xinyi: *cheering for Chunhui* GO CHUNHUI! GO!
Logan: Its not GO Chunhui, its GAO.
(chunhui's surname is Gao)

Logan: People will always wait to kiss me.
Firdaus: People don't wait to kiss me, they just do it.

*whilst shopping for items we need for our event title filming*
Xinyi: If we can't find it, we can go strangle ourselves and sell ourselves to the library so people can borrow us.

*in creative writing class, when we're supposed to create a story out of sequenced images*
Me: Firdaus, what story you're gonna write about?
Firdaus: A holy one.

Jiaen: Eh Logan I didn't know you were a left hander.
Logan: Yes I am.
Jiaen: But people say that left handers are smart people
Mr Alex: HUH WHERE GOT SUCH THING.
*Logan gives Mr Alex a deadly stare*


Conjoined twins in Pet Society. (Xinyi's pet and mine.) HAHA.


This is my younger sister copying my pet's dressing in pet society and my reaction and her answer. HAHA


This is me and Logan's pet in pet society. My pet's name is Hoolala and Logan's pet name is Longan. HAHAHAHAHAHAH. I'm only putting this picture up as proof that Logan has a pet society account, so when he deletes it he cannot deny that he ever had one.

Me: HEHEZXZ *gleefully visiting Logan's pet house and fighting with him*
Logan: Sial La. *reads the action board* Hoolala and Longan have just been fighting. GAY SIA.

HAHAHAHA.

How was your day?

Sorry

I was looking through my folder in which I keep all of the past poems that I have written. Found this one which was written January this year, and actually liked it better after reading it now. I can't remember exactly what I was so sad about, but I feel the same old melancholic silence that only creeps in on lonely nights. And yes, I remember you "Deryck". We went from friends to more to less. I can't even look at you now. I also remembered you, L. And I'm sorry I made you read this and made you sad that time. I'm sorry I used this poem to torture you. I'm sorry I couldn't return your affections. I'm sorry I don't talk to you anymore now. You were always nice.

Isn't life so subtly tragic? How two people can just walk out of your lives without you even noticing? Then at the same time, there are dozens of new people walking in and you forget about all the old things. And when you do, like 9 months later, you start to regret your selfishness then. Subtly. Ironically. Tragic.



Matchsticks

I found you too early, lit the matchbox;
Set the day on fire. I burned when you burned,
Recoiled in silence when you were cold. Bit
Back half grins when you laughed.
You didn’t give a damn, and I laid out the
Matchsticks one by one, for you.
Just for you.

Watched you behind closed doors, underneath
Half-closed lids. You were quiet; but drastic like the dawn
Of winter into spring. And I knew we yearn for more
than this simple life, don’t we Deryck?
And again I assumed it was
Meant to be.

Even the stars in the sky don’t shine bright
Enough for us. We want to be more, to
Break free from this norm, to show the world
The beauty that lies beneath our silence.
You never knew I laid matchsticks out for you.
But I did Deryck, I did it for you.

But now you’re burning, and I’m watching
Behind a veil. I no longer burn, I don’t know why.
I wish I could’ve shined in your darkness, but
You disappeared so quick. Like smoke.
I’m trying to fade away your existence while
Watching shadows dance beneath the moonlight.

Deryck, understand that I couldn’t possibly
Run away with you. Your song is a mystery and
I can’t face up to reality even though I feel
For you. I’m still trying to forget everything
You sang. Meanwhile I’m picking up those
Matchsticks.

I’ll pick them up, one by one.
I will forget you.
I will forget you.

© Natasha Lim 2.1.2008

It'll all be better another day, and we'll hear the murmuring of the morning. When trees sway and flowers bloom, when all is gentle and all is quiet. I'll be thrown into the dead sea, and I'll swim the sadness away. I'll find my oasis, once again.

Sing from a book, you were reading in bed and took to heart.

Thank Eww

Thank you Sulinah, Firdauz, Rina, Xinyi, Logan and Shawna for very graciously letting me take your pictures for my MTV clip at the very last minute. You guys are awesome models and I heart you all. Aren't you glad emteevee is over? Oh heavens, I feel so much weight lifted off my shoulders. Bliss. But then again there's the event title, HBO, branding case studies, image synthesis assignment all happening at the same time. Ah.



And also, a very big thank you hug to dearest Isa. Thanks for coming over last Saturday to hang with me and watch yootoob weediyos and letting me take your pictures for my MTV too. I heard Patches got lost, so if you're reading this I pray she'll be found soon, or even better that she'll find her way back! (:

**Editt--
wow, prayers do work! she found her (:

You'll feel better in the morning; Wash your hands in the lake; You've got a heart, some way. Throw me a dream please, it's been a dreamless sleep; For such a long time, such a long time; Sing myself awake, watch the branches break. I hope you'll find the sea.

Secret

I eat food that I drop on the floor, the 3 second rule doesn't really apply to me. I don't care. I am a Disney fanatic even though I am turning 18 soon and I don't think I'll ever stop being one. I like being pretentious sometimes just for a laugh. I used to think that chocolate milk came from cows who ate chocolate, vice versa for strawberry milk. I am attracted to men with long fingers. When I listen to Lucas Grabeel from High School Musical grunting "I want it, I gotta ooh, I hafta, I want-ta!" in the song "I want it all" during the last part, I get seriously turned on. No kidding. Like for real, turned on. I have an MTV ident due by Thursday and no, I haven't really started and I am alternating between stressing and not stressing about it. I sometimes wish I have the courage to not turn up work, not because I'm lazy but because I really really HATE the work. I cried watching Juno when she was giving birth because it looked so damn painful for a 16 year old to go through. I cry when babies cry. HAHAHA. I laugh at absolutely anything and its kinda hard to distinguish between my fake laughter and my real laughter. I just do it so well. I think one day I might be a really awesome actress because honestly, I could be the best two-faced backstabbing bitch if I want to. But I don't want to be.

Tickled Pink.

Today is one of those better days.
There's this song I've been listening to and its called Geek Love by Nerina Pallot. There's this part that goes, "I like when we argue but not everyday. Your scent in the room, the way that you say "color" not "colour". What colour today? It's grey, it's grey. It's grey." Have you noticed that Singapore has been filled with countless grey days? It's a depressing colour.

But today is delightfully different. Soft calming breeze mingled with the scent of an anticipating drizzle; yellow sun peeking through soft dappled clouds amongst pale blue skies. It isn't so grey today. It is a little grey, but somehow not as grey as the past few days. My sister started her holidays already, so we're at my grandmother's place now. My cousin plucked her wisdom tooth yesterday, and her mouth is swollen (HAHAHA) so took a break from work and is here with us now. My grandmother's watching TV and cutting tissue paper into smaller pieces to save money (HAHAHA). And yeah I'm here and hold that thought.

The sun is completely uncovered now and is washing my grandmother's lawn with a soft yellow hue.
So pretty. Makes me wish I had my camera with me now.

Today is also a very lazy day. I am contented just with green tea, and rewatching episodes of How I Met Your Mother.
I'll do my work later. Haha.

Sweet dreams, sweet cheeks

I am so tired, I swear. But if I don't upload these pics now, I think I never will. Haha.
Xinyi's 18th birthday tea at Shangri-La hotel.
Its not officially your birthday yet, xy. So my big birthday speech will come on your official day, which is this thursday! WHOO.
Hahaha. Had fun, adored the SEHLERHMERN (salmon) and adored tea. But most of all I adore Xinyi and Cherine and Jiaen (:

Shit dammit. I was supposed to quote Cherine for some really lame thing she said but I forgot how it went. I just remembered she called the macaroons, macarena. HAHAHA.

(koped from cherine's blog)
Natee: :O Omg! Sar-li-mern... (she meant salmon)
I: shut up. bitch.
Natee & I: heHehEheHeehxzZxzx

Okay la. I will blog another time. And I will upload the food pics. They're awesome.

I hate

I hate people who judge people based on first impressions.
They imagine themselves to be so great, when they're actually not.
I hate it when people form some kind of an opinion on you just by looking at you.
How can you know a person just by looking at them?
So you look at someone and instantaneously know they're a serial killer or something?
I hate hate hate it.

You can't imagine how it just PRICKS me when I have to stand there and watch some poor unknown person being ridiculed by an insensitive jerk ass. AN INSENSITIVE JERK ASS. I'm sorry. I had to type that in caps. It EMPHASIZES my anger very well.

Okay. I also hate cramps and PMS.

I am very very cranky now.

Poem face-off.

logan: natee natee.
I'm a hottie
and i think your naughty
which rhymes with notti
and i have a goati
logan: nice?

natee: HAHAHAHAHAHAH
natee: EEEEEEE
natee: Logan is a stupid boy
whom girls likes to treat as toy
thats not a bad ploy
Haha my name is Roy
I like to drink Soy-
A BEAN
natee: HAHAHAHA

logan: LOL
logan:AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
logan: natee think she oh so cool
but little does she know shes a stoopid fool
and you remind me of stool
and i like to sit on a stool
logan: and you remind me of stool
and i like to sit on a stool
logan: thats called giving up on a poem

natee: logan think he oh so hot
but i know I am he's not
but i know he loves natee alot
haha i need to do my animatics... NOT
natee: HAHAHAHHAHA

logan: natee said she'll kill yang tien
then i keep asking her 'when?'
then she said i super sian
then i said 'eh i feel like eating ban mian'


HAHAHAHA.

I keep staring at the brief for our MTV ident requirements for Thursday's presentation, like as if the requirements will get lesser the more I stare at it.

Ain't working.
And I'm worried at my very insufficient sketches and lack of a concrete concept.
God, help!