.

The cursor is blinking. Like it’s mocking the singing
Voice muted beneath the crevice of this beating heart.
I’m not entirely alone, am I? Because it’s all You in a crowded
Yet empty room. In my crowded mind, in my empty words.
I’m trying, I guess. Unleashing the bluebird’s song it’s been
Dying; no living to sing in this lifeless dried up thing
Of a flesh that I call my soul.

Yeah, I’ve got my thoughts now, traveling like light. It’s
Existence heavy like the satchel of guilt I wear inside my
Ribcage. When will I learn to give this up? Do You know
How long this has been around, You know, just trying to
Savour the last of me. You know my laughter sounds strange
In this stillness, a little bit misplaced and wrong in such a situation.
The fact is, there have been too many times that I’ve tried
Veiling the ugliness by spitting pretty words in the direction
People are looking.

But. It. Only. Makes the satchel. Heavier.

Oh yes, I’m here now, so raw you could nearly smell the
Essence of my tender imperfections scratching just beneath
The veil now stained with the blood of my efforts.
Why do You love?
Hmm. Let me sit here to understand You.
Oh, why are You still here?
When I’ve only been drifting further out into the blue.
When I’m only trying to slip away from You.
And because when You know, You know. All of it.
The reason my mind strays to the emptiness and the meaninglessness
Of what this temporal dirt offers, because I’m afraid of facing
How soiled my feet are, they’ve been standing here for far too long.
Why do You keep calling me? Why do You keep loving me?
It makes it hard to run.

And yes, maybe okay. Okay maybe now. Yes, now, I will.

I’ll truly surrender, and give You this veil.

© Natasha Lim