Sorry

I was looking through my folder in which I keep all of the past poems that I have written. Found this one which was written January this year, and actually liked it better after reading it now. I can't remember exactly what I was so sad about, but I feel the same old melancholic silence that only creeps in on lonely nights. And yes, I remember you "Deryck". We went from friends to more to less. I can't even look at you now. I also remembered you, L. And I'm sorry I made you read this and made you sad that time. I'm sorry I used this poem to torture you. I'm sorry I couldn't return your affections. I'm sorry I don't talk to you anymore now. You were always nice.

Isn't life so subtly tragic? How two people can just walk out of your lives without you even noticing? Then at the same time, there are dozens of new people walking in and you forget about all the old things. And when you do, like 9 months later, you start to regret your selfishness then. Subtly. Ironically. Tragic.



Matchsticks

I found you too early, lit the matchbox;
Set the day on fire. I burned when you burned,
Recoiled in silence when you were cold. Bit
Back half grins when you laughed.
You didn’t give a damn, and I laid out the
Matchsticks one by one, for you.
Just for you.

Watched you behind closed doors, underneath
Half-closed lids. You were quiet; but drastic like the dawn
Of winter into spring. And I knew we yearn for more
than this simple life, don’t we Deryck?
And again I assumed it was
Meant to be.

Even the stars in the sky don’t shine bright
Enough for us. We want to be more, to
Break free from this norm, to show the world
The beauty that lies beneath our silence.
You never knew I laid matchsticks out for you.
But I did Deryck, I did it for you.

But now you’re burning, and I’m watching
Behind a veil. I no longer burn, I don’t know why.
I wish I could’ve shined in your darkness, but
You disappeared so quick. Like smoke.
I’m trying to fade away your existence while
Watching shadows dance beneath the moonlight.

Deryck, understand that I couldn’t possibly
Run away with you. Your song is a mystery and
I can’t face up to reality even though I feel
For you. I’m still trying to forget everything
You sang. Meanwhile I’m picking up those
Matchsticks.

I’ll pick them up, one by one.
I will forget you.
I will forget you.

© Natasha Lim 2.1.2008

It'll all be better another day, and we'll hear the murmuring of the morning. When trees sway and flowers bloom, when all is gentle and all is quiet. I'll be thrown into the dead sea, and I'll swim the sadness away. I'll find my oasis, once again.

Sing from a book, you were reading in bed and took to heart.