It's only at night when I really miss you.

Kinda hurts to hear you being all deep and insightful and stuffs. Because I liked the insightful cynical part of you.

Awww.

Cynicism

Hahaha.

Its 2.10 am, and I just wasted my sleeping time to edit that stupid sickeningly overtly sweet picture. I swear, my whole life I try to be this gritty, strong as steel, couldn't-care-less kind of a female, but I end up looking sweet and kawaii without even trying to. This really is a piece of shit. Why me. And I wasted an hour of trying on many different type of clothes to decide what to wear to school tomorrow. And I wasted 2 hours playing that stupid last puzzle of Mystery Case Files: Madame Fate. I finally finished the whole game. In like, 2 days I think. And then I wasted more time perfecting the way my hair looks, trying out different hairstyles and such.

Now I'm wasting time blogging and its 2.17 am. And I have school in the morning and I'm not asleep yet.

Hurh Ha haaaaa.

Why oh why do days have to pass so fast? And why am I not asleep anyway? Its not like I'm not tired.

This sudden insomnia destroys my well-being. It creeps into my mind and starts turning the hormonal gears in my brain. Makes me start thinking of all the things I really don't want to be thinking about, especially at night. (NO, its not dirty thoughts. Please.) Things like how alone I am and pathetic, and how my life is reduced to blogging about how I'm wasting my time and how pathetic my life is etc. Also because you are not asleep yet as well, and you're like... really outstanding on my msn list. Because you currently have the longest nick, and plus I have your nick highlighted as well. It is highlighted because of my countless attempts of double clicking your nick and thinking of a really cool way to suddenly say hi without sounding too.. I don't know.. obvious that I want to talk to you? Omg I am so pathetic, I swear.

Back to the whole "days passing by so fast" thing.. It really is unbelievable how we're not talking now. I mean, we used to talk all the time. Literally doing the cheesy, "I'll stop talking, if you'll stop talking" thing and in the end making it last through the night until we totally gave up and went to bed at the same time. It was something, I swear. Maybe not to you, but to me. It was something.

I guess I miss it. And you. Maybe you could be replaced easily, but these little things. These memories are the ones that can't really be replaced. There'll be new memories, maybe better ones. Maybe sadder ones. But better or sadder, they're still not what the old memories were. Maybe.

Okay I should really sleep before this gets worse. Staying up late is bad. When Jennifer Chung sang "So live your life and do what you got to, its only at night when I really miss you." She really knows what she's talking about.

Nights.

I have such a nice sister

Sis: *sings really loudly* ALL I WANNA DOOOO IS GROW OLD WITH YOOOOUUU~~~
Me: With me??? Aww....
Sis: But you're already old.

Uh, thanks luh. 18 this year. Soon I'll be 80.

Yeah la, yeah la. I permed my hair.

The hairstylist didn't understand the term gentle waves, or hippie hair, or couldn't even comprehend what kind of hair I wanted even after showing him a picture. I have a full head of spiral curls now. The good thing is, it softened down to waves now.. Although still curly, but much better.

God, school starts tomorrow. How fast. I have presentation slides to do, which I haven't started yet, and I am dreading to start. My migraine is back again, I just keep getting them. Whenever I have a lack of sleep for one day, bam. The migraine hits. Argghhh. Can't think much with this infernal wreck of a volcano pulsing in the right of my brain.

BLEAH.

And I miss you, going back home to the west coast. I love you, standing all alone in a black coat ):

Neh.

Got this from Jodie's blog. I'M BORED.

1) how long will u wait for someone u love?
My one true love is Jesus. And He's already in my heart.

2) what do u want to do now?
Possess magical healing powers to heal my sore throat instantly.

3)what will u be doing at 6pm?
Eating dinner.

4)do u hate ur friends sometimes?
I would never hate my friends. Dislike yes, but hate no.

5)what type of person do u think u are?
Contradictory.

6)do u believe in seeing a rainbow after e rain?
Of course. Rainbows are pretty. Gay pride yall. HAHA.

7)what impossible things u wish to do?
To be made out of plasticine so I can mold myself to look different everyday.

8)your darkest secret?
I'm having a scandal with Johnny Depp. Oops.

9)are u happy with ur life right now?
Yes. Pretty much.

10)what if ur crush asked u out?
THEN GO OUT WITH HIM LAH. THEN WHAT? HAHAHA.

11)describe ur other half.
Johnny Depp is really sexy. Full stop.

12)what feelings do u hate the most?
Guilt. Remorse.

13)do u cherish every friendship of yours?
I hope I do.

14)what are u lookin forward in the coming weeks?
Erm. Days spent with friends I guess.

15)the most important thing in ur life.
God.

16)who do u hope to be always there for u?
I don't need to hope for someone. God has always been there for me, always.

17)Do u find life meaningless?
No.

18)who do u love the most?
Myself. hahahahaha.

19)do u rather have a romantic relationship or a stable one?
BOTH. HAHA.

20)what's ur greatest wish?
World peace. hahahahaha. bimbotic, but yes. I do.

21)the sweetest thing u ever did for someone?
I did so many sweet things for so many people, I can't remember which was my sweetest. HA.

West Coast

Stevie Ryan is the shizzoh' <3
Love her to bits.
Subtle inspiration injects into my bloodstream once again.

(unending love, amazing grace)

Music & lyrics

You know, I'm not a rock. I'm not unfeeling. Its not that I don't want to sympathize with you, I don't want to offer you pity. I'm being happy and positive for you, so you wouldn't think too much. So you would focus on things that really matter in this pale blue speck of dust suspended in a beam of light, that we live in. (Yeah, I'm still not over the fact that I live on a speck of blue dust in the universe. haha) I know you want to help yourself, I know you do. And you're searching for that lifeboat somewhere, but don't look too far. Just open your eyes, God is here for you (:

Astronomical grace

Today in church, they showed us a DVD. In which, I was deeply touched and enlightened by, so I really want to share this.



If we were to count all the stars in the sky, one star per second. It would take us 2500 years to complete counting.



This picture was taken as seen from Mars, out in the universe. And that tiny tiny tiny speck of blue dot over in the picture? That's planet Earth, our home. That's our whole life spent in that little almost non existant little speck of a dot in that picture. Everything we've ever dreamed of, what we've worked for, what we've loved for, what we've killed for we've done everything on that pale blue dot. Every "superstar", every supreme leader, every King, everyone of our species have lived there on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

And we are even smaller than we think we are. Out in the universe, we live in the Milky way galaxy.



This is just one of the many galaxies in the universe. And there are even more stuff out there that science or telescopes can't see. And scientists just keep building bigger telescopes to see more of God's amazing creations, but everytime they build a bigger one thinking they've covered the entire universe, they find that there's still more out there waiting to be discovered. Its like one whole vicious cycle. That's just how big the universe really is.

And God created all of this mindblowing, indescribable stuff out there, all shining and glowing in all of its splendour and glory. We don't know exactly how big this universe is, but we know that its well, pretty big shall we say. Enormous. And the bible says that God can measure the span of the universe with His hand.

So exactly just, how small are we? And how big and awesome and great is God?



Scientists say that every second, a new star is born. Every second, God places these shiny pretty little things one by one out in the universe. And small as we are, big as He is- He knows everyone of us by name, and He loves us so much He chose to die on a cross for us to take away our sins. When we're just truly unworthy, small and insignificant.

When I heard that during the sermon, I just started to feel that everything that ever happened in my life doesn't really matter anymore. We're living everything on this tiny pale blue dot, everything. Plus, we live in Singapore.. So we're living on that tiny red dot which is IN the pale blue dot. (LOL) And I thought about how much God really loves me, even though I'm so tiny. Everything I see when I look around is evidence of His love, its His love shouting back at me. It's astronomical grace. Suddenly everything I've ever worried about, or whined about, or wished for, desired for seemed significantly insignificant.

What are we anyway? Nothing more than dust formed into flesh by God.

We don't need to feel small, we already are much much much smaller than we think. And even so, God still chose to care about our stupid selfish little problems. And nothing this world throws you, no matter depression, loneliness, bankruptcy, illness, or even the darkness of death can ever ever shake you from His hand. He loves us that much.

I thank God for this love. Even though I am selfish with my worldly desires, and even though I let my rebellious heart push Him away from me at times, He never draw far. And time to time again, He reminds me He's there and I am small.

Hong Kong

Loads of pictures, some will be posted on my photoblog later. Hong Kong to me, was just like Singapore.. Except that the people there speak cantonese and the streets were much more confusing. I didn't see any cute guys, so I wasn't cheating on you Xinyi. HAHA. Had alot of good food and yeah. It was a nice trip all in all (:

I missed you all greatly, and I know you guys missed me too! HAHA.

















Disneyland





















Yes! ITS REALLY CINDERELLA AND SNOW WHITE!!!





The tour guide told us that red house up on top is Jackie Chan's house. Hahahahahahahhaha.

My bucket list

Saw this on Xinyi's blog, and the idea was inspired by Jiaen. I thought it was fun to try! So here's my very own bucket list (:

(A bucket list is a list of things you want to do before you die)


(click on image for larger view)

JAMES!!! :X HAHA.

Anyway, I'm flying off to Hong Kong tomorrow. I will only be back next Friday! So don't miss me too much people, especially you Xinyi. I'll be back before you know it, wifey. HAHAHA.

XOXO, you know you love me.

hahahahaha.

Speak to my heart

Almost- Jennifer Chung

It's been a while, it's been a while.
Since you've said hi.
It's been a while, it's been a while,
Since our last goodbye.
It's been a while, it's been a while,
& I still haven't cried.
I'm surprised.

I haven't called, I haven't called,
You see I've been strong.
You' haven't called, you haven't called,
I guess nothing's wrong.
God called, He called.
Says it's going to be okay.
It's for His glory.

So live your life and do what you got to.
It's only at night when I really miss you.
But the morning comes - bringing a new day and everything seems to start over again.

Have you been good? Have you been great?
Most likely.
I've been good, I've been great,
Just keeping busy.
And we should since as of late,
Time just passes by.
We don't even have to try.

So live your life and do what you got to.
It's only at night when I really miss you.
But the morning comes - bringing a new day and everything seems to start over again.

One day you'll see.
One day you'll know me as the girl that you let go.
It was, so close - almost.

So live your life and do what you got to.
It's only at night when I really miss you.
But the morning comes.
The morning comes

This project is getting me so depressed, you can't even imagine how much. Not even thinking of other people dying in other places all around the world, and yet the fact that I'm still living can get me to feel better. And that usually helps to lift my mood up. AH. Now I just can't get my "Across the Universe" strawberry graphic out of my head, and I feel like crying because I think my trailer just sucks. I want to edit it to make it look much more finished, but I don't know how to start. My whole last 6 seconds or so, is totally screwed up. The timing's too fast, the camera angles are weird and jerky. AHH. Plus, my audio syncs super well with my graphics but in the end I'm not even gonna use THAT audio. Because that was just a rough one, and I'm afraid if I re-edit my audio it wouldn't sync with my graphics anymore.

AH AH AH AHHHHHHH.


MR JOVI I NEED YOUR HELP.

Sigh.

By the way, this girl looks EERILY alot like me. Anqi found this picture yesterday whilst searching pictures for her group's modern and pop culture research.




I SWEAR THAT IS NOT ME. I SWEAR.

I got goosebumps when I saw the picture, like omg. Look alike luh. Eeeyer. HAHA.

Cope

Oh gosh I'm so early today. Supposed to start doing my trailer now, but I'm so tired I can't take it. Yesterday night was kinda hard to get by, refused to sleep and had no motivation whatsoever to do work, but I did do something in the end. Which was kind of little but, at least I did something.

Today is pushing day. Pushing myself to really complete animation, will tackle the audio tomorrow. Kind of depressed about this whole work thing, I don't know what I'm doing really. Just doing things to get an A. Literally. Just doing things. Its the kinda thing that makes you wonder what your true reason for being in this course is, and whether or not this is something you want to pursue in the future.

Honestly, I'm not sure if I see myself working like this. But the thing about me is that, I don't mind doing this no matter if I truly enjoy it or not. I'll do my best and see how.

I really am starting to worry if I can finish this on time, and do a good job. Sigh. Super sleepy now. WIll try to start work soon.

(:

More word vomit.

Lie and say no, deny it all with
Your fingers to your lips. I know all
Your torturous analytical tricks, I know. Easy
expressions stolen by a blink, the jar is empty.
I read you like an open book and I know, I
Know your secrets no matter how hidden.

I can't condone anymore sideways glances, warmth
Inching nearer before our skin touches. Not thinking isn't
not wanting, and by forceful blocking my mind purges
Laughter unfelt by the heart. Possibly insane, I am
Wishing everything were different, that situations
alternated between what was good for us.

Confusion floods every fibre of my thoughts, but
I am peeling out the skin of what was once my
Sensitivity, to reveal the strong roots within. Maybe
In another lifetime, we'll understand that we were
Two orbitting stars that crashed in the galaxies. But
I know for sure, there would be others that shine brighter
For me and for you.

And yes, I can read your mind. You scared?