Cynicism

Hahaha.

Its 2.10 am, and I just wasted my sleeping time to edit that stupid sickeningly overtly sweet picture. I swear, my whole life I try to be this gritty, strong as steel, couldn't-care-less kind of a female, but I end up looking sweet and kawaii without even trying to. This really is a piece of shit. Why me. And I wasted an hour of trying on many different type of clothes to decide what to wear to school tomorrow. And I wasted 2 hours playing that stupid last puzzle of Mystery Case Files: Madame Fate. I finally finished the whole game. In like, 2 days I think. And then I wasted more time perfecting the way my hair looks, trying out different hairstyles and such.

Now I'm wasting time blogging and its 2.17 am. And I have school in the morning and I'm not asleep yet.

Hurh Ha haaaaa.

Why oh why do days have to pass so fast? And why am I not asleep anyway? Its not like I'm not tired.

This sudden insomnia destroys my well-being. It creeps into my mind and starts turning the hormonal gears in my brain. Makes me start thinking of all the things I really don't want to be thinking about, especially at night. (NO, its not dirty thoughts. Please.) Things like how alone I am and pathetic, and how my life is reduced to blogging about how I'm wasting my time and how pathetic my life is etc. Also because you are not asleep yet as well, and you're like... really outstanding on my msn list. Because you currently have the longest nick, and plus I have your nick highlighted as well. It is highlighted because of my countless attempts of double clicking your nick and thinking of a really cool way to suddenly say hi without sounding too.. I don't know.. obvious that I want to talk to you? Omg I am so pathetic, I swear.

Back to the whole "days passing by so fast" thing.. It really is unbelievable how we're not talking now. I mean, we used to talk all the time. Literally doing the cheesy, "I'll stop talking, if you'll stop talking" thing and in the end making it last through the night until we totally gave up and went to bed at the same time. It was something, I swear. Maybe not to you, but to me. It was something.

I guess I miss it. And you. Maybe you could be replaced easily, but these little things. These memories are the ones that can't really be replaced. There'll be new memories, maybe better ones. Maybe sadder ones. But better or sadder, they're still not what the old memories were. Maybe.

Okay I should really sleep before this gets worse. Staying up late is bad. When Jennifer Chung sang "So live your life and do what you got to, its only at night when I really miss you." She really knows what she's talking about.

Nights.