Vertical

Heart as heavy, lips dry, hair tousled. Trying hard,
feeling lonely, losing sanity as I creep into self-withdrawal under
The covers of my bed. I'll lose contact with the world, lose contact
With my self life principle, yearn for the warmth of His feathers.
In a night with artificial temporal coldness, I wrap myself underneath
scratchy white towels and listen for hope.

More of coffee no longer sustains strength, more of sleep no longer
Provides rejuvenation. Loneliness creeps in, and I have learnt to plug
My eyes, ears, nose to jump right in. It's no longer dark, just too bright.
Too bright and too empty and too silent, and an orchestrated harmony claws
The cracks within. It's soft but hurting.

I bite my lip and close my eyes to look up at the sky.

© Natasha Lim

Looking Up At The Sky

I won't pretend

Don't you know life turns me, always wants me.
I can hardly pray.

Hello I feel like typing words. I'm currently running a fever of 38 degrees now, but my mind's too active to sleep. I keep thinking of tomorrow's shoot, keep wondering how I'm going to survive tomorrow given my current sickness. But I am though, I am. Gotta push push push through, they're depending on me. Current state of my mind.. It's this constant endless drone of repetitive negativity. Listen to Portishead's song Plastic, and you kinda get some inclination towards whats in my head.

What is up with me? Why am I so easily put down and beaten? Why am I not stronger?
This human flesh that I'm living in repeatedly puts me down.
Mind over matter. Mind over matter.
Trust Trust Trust.
Trust God.

I Love

Music.
Iron and Wine's song "Naked as we came." When he sings "She says 'If I leave before you, darling don't you waste me in the ground."
Extracting life from the visions I have in my head.
I love nature; Like raindrops on windows.
Simplistic beauty, like the sun filtering through the fine gaps of your hair. And when it reaches your eyes, and you do that cute squinty eyed thing. Just like I do, just like you do, just like we do.
I love acoustic guitars, soft lilting voices and flyaway hair.
I love nights when I'm just happy. Being tired, but feeling peaceful.
Imagination, the liberty to take forth with your mind.
I love the peacefulness of grace given by God.
I love Jesus, but He loves me more than I could ever know.
Love starting anew, clean break clean slate fresh state.
And I love the subtle yet ironically drastic change of daytime to nighttime.
Like a constant reminder of change. How its mandatory.
How it's good, and how it's sad.

Friends. Old friends. Present friends. New friends.
Comfort of family. Comfort. Security.
Traffic lights at night, caught in a camera at low shutter speed, like beautiful winding beams of light.
I love long talks about life. God. Over coffee, over tea over anything.
Wisdom more so than intelligence.
Love passion and enthusiasm.
Words like tranquility because it sounds like water.
Like a river.
The essence of art in everything I see around me.
Love happiness and love introspective reflection.
I love laughter. To laugh, to hear people laugh.
I love my imperfections. Messy hair, barefaced. Ugly teeshirt. Ugly pants.
Being natural. Being real. Being myself. Being confident with Christ, even when my self-life principle beats me down again and again.
I love my thoughts, made holy by Jesus.
And I love music. And I love God.
And my life. Being borned again. Being renewed.
A New Creation.
"As He is, so are we in this world."
2 Corinthians 3:18

And I love so much, my heart cannot fully encompass it all.
That's why I'm here.

Spirit, rain.

"Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
(Psalm 73:25-26)

<3

I still love him.

The weekends are finally here!
And for the first time in this week, I feel completely relaxed

I thank God for the experience I've been through this week.
Some were good, some were bad, some made me cry. Hahahaha.
The environment of the workplace just sucks though, the whole "office" atmosphere, I feel happier when I'm out of the office doing location scouting with my boss and stuff like that. The good news is that pre-production stage is ending soon and I'll get hands-on in a REAL production shoot! WHOO! Exciting! Haha.

I met Mark Lee.
And I also met Gemia Foo, the lead actress for our production. I helped her with her wardrobe fitting and she's so nice! Like really friendly and funny and nice. (:

Church tomorrow and I'm happy :D

Mad

SEE YOU NEXT TIME MAYBE TOMORROW KTHXBYE.

Day One of Attachment

Stressful.

I called up the whole of Singapore asking for sponsorships for wardrobe, costumes, scouting for shoot locations, organising mass auditions for the shoot. I don't know why but I feel so beaten and discouraged after today. It's not like I couldn't complete the tasks given to me, in fact I did complete everything.

I don't know, I just felt like I could've given more.

But what's done is done. I want to get out of all this pre-production stage of calling people up, and start getting hands down on a production shoot! My boss warned me that it'll be really taxing but somehow I think its definitely gonna be more fun than calling people up.

Hahaha thank God for a fruitful day and I pray for a blessed week ahead!

My attachment starts in a few hours!

EEEEEEEEEEK.