I won't pretend

Don't you know life turns me, always wants me.
I can hardly pray.

Hello I feel like typing words. I'm currently running a fever of 38 degrees now, but my mind's too active to sleep. I keep thinking of tomorrow's shoot, keep wondering how I'm going to survive tomorrow given my current sickness. But I am though, I am. Gotta push push push through, they're depending on me. Current state of my mind.. It's this constant endless drone of repetitive negativity. Listen to Portishead's song Plastic, and you kinda get some inclination towards whats in my head.

What is up with me? Why am I so easily put down and beaten? Why am I not stronger?
This human flesh that I'm living in repeatedly puts me down.
Mind over matter. Mind over matter.
Trust Trust Trust.
Trust God.